Shards of Youth

by BoxTar

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06:10
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04:13
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02:23
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06:48
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02:40
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about

This album is nowhere near perfect. Its splintered in a lot of places.

Its an album that kind of smashes together a lot of peices of my youth at varying intervals, trying to make some cohesive sense. I still don't think it completely does.

Nonetheless, I am happy with how it turned out. I hope anyone else who hears it can enjoy it as well.

Includes four bonus tracks: early demos of Blame, Overneath and Snowpeak, as well as an early song which unfortunately didn't have a place on the album: Inside Mindset.

credits

released August 2, 2014

Guitar, vocals and electronics/piano: Nolan Tarbox

Additional guitar on Snowpeak: Scott Marshall

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

BoxTar Seattle, Washington

Expect experimental electronic music, acoustic guitar, and an overall lack of polish. Occasional Vaporwave as well.

contact / help

Contact BoxTar

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Track Name: Blame
And you blame yourself
And you blame yourself
Wake me up from this dream I'm having
Wake me up from this dream I'm having
I don't know where I am
And I do not know what I'm feeling anymore
Wake me up from this dream I'm having
Wake me up from this dream I'm having
I don't know...

And you wake up and you realize that nothing is right
And you wake up and you hope that you're alright inside
And you wake up and you think that everyone's gone wrong
And you wake up and you find that they're all dead
and there's nowhere to go

And you blame yourself
Don't blame yourself
Don't blame yourself
I won't let you go
Wake me up from this dream I'm having
Wake me up from this dream I'm having
Just let me go...

And I wake up and I find that nothing is alright
And I wake up and I find that you're cold and dead inside
And I wake up and I feel the world is gone
and I will find it
Wake up and the world is gone and I will have to find it

You blame yourself
Don't blame yourself
Its not your fault for what has happened

I don't know and I don't care
I don't know and I'll never feel
The way I did when the world was crushing
Holding you can you just hold me?
And don't let go...

They crush and defeat their way through everything
And I'll just hold you
I'll just hold you
Don't ever leave me
Don't ever find a way
The consequences
Don't let the consequences get to you
I will hold
I will hold them

Don't blame yourself
I will find you...
Track Name: Who Goes There?
Who goes there, is it you?
Did I want you to?
And you held a gun at yourself
How could I help?
Nothing you say is ever real
How do you feel?
And who goes there?

Who goes there, is it me?
My subconscious bleeds
And all I want is some help
To know myself
And I just wanted you here
Cuz you're never near
Who goes there...its not you

And all those things you planned for
All those miles you traveled
They were all a waste
Why did you even bother?
And all the times we shared
Our forever after
the plans that we made...

Who goes there, is it them?
The monsters in your head
I can never make them go away
You tell me all the things they say
That this love was never meant to be
Your poison mind just rots
And steeps low in their thoughts
There's nothing left for us
Who goes there, who goes there?
Track Name: Impact
If there was a lesson to learn
It would be to make some sort of impact
You're collecting all the tickets
Just to win your old life back

And if there was a way to win
You'd have collected your prize
And walked away
Never to see the light of day again

But you turned to the crowd
Held your hands out
And let the tickets flow
Into the wind
For others to spend

Cuz you knew all the angels
Were cutting their wrists
Just to know what happiness
Feels like again

And I'll reach up my hands
Grab what I can
And come up with some sort of plan
So I can make some sort of impact
Track Name: Overneath
Winter, Fall, they come to pass
And I held down time
Cuz it wouldn't last and

Follow you to the edge of the Dreamscape
Crashing stars
So they can't escape and

You were looking over to them for
Some other reason
that I couldn't offer

Spring and Summer came too late
Now I'm staring at the floor
with no ther way

And overhead
And underneath
Everything you wanted to be

Was your breath
and it held
me

In the air that I never had
I watch all the faces
as they sadly passed and

Take a long look down at yourself
And get back to me
When you're not so selfish

Overhead
Underneath
Everything you wanted to be
with me...

In my forest by the ocean
I held on tight and I'll never let go
As their shadows fell before

And I never would
have expected any less than
What I ever got from you, but there...

As my forest by the ocean sinks beneath the waves
Oceans as far as the eye can see
will drown you...drown you down...
Track Name: Shards of Youth
Who goes there, who goes there? x2
Anything you ever wanted
Was right in front of you and you
Tossed it aside
Tossed it away

And I can't help anymore
I gave in long ago, yes
Rest it away
Rest it away

Don't blame me for your faults
You've never forgiven me anyway

Who goes there, who goes there? x3

And the peak's in sight and I don't wanna stay and I don't wanna go
Don't ever, don't ever let them go until... the ice won't melt
Watch their faces freeze
Watch them fall into eternity without me
And hope yourself is enough
Cuz that's just all you'll ever have from this point
I don't wanna go

Who goes there, who goes there? x3

And you blame yourself again
The blame rises up from the waves and
I don't want you to think that its your fault
And nothing I say is ever enough
Just waste away into the trees where I can't see you
I can't see you through the leaves and
I never wanted to forget that day
But you made me

You made me

And I wake up and I know that nothing is alright
But that's ok
Cuz one day you will know that nothing ever was
And it was just an illusion
Of what you wanted to see

Just don't blame yourself

Who goes there, who goes there? x3

(piano fill)

Fallen years, the fallen years
Who could've thought we would end like this?
Fallen years all behind us
And I never wanted to change a bit
Fallen years, the fallen angels
Lying on the street
I pick one up and shake its head but
There's nothing behind its eyes

I wanted love, I wanted pain
I wanted to feel real again
But there is always something stopping me
Telling me not to breathe

I'm holding down my home in hopes that
Tomorrow won't lose its woes cuz
Pain and sorrow births creation
And all I have is a shaking fear that

Something deep inside is gonna tear out outside of me
And I don't know why
I don't know why I'm scared
I just hold on tight
And hope nothing will change me
But that's not how life works these days
And I have to grow up and accept that...

I'm the only one who can save myself
The only one who can save myself
No one's gonna do it for me this time...